ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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