Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize