My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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