So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
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Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
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i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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