What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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