she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize