onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
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I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
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I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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