In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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