i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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