i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize