kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize