i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
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I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
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When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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