it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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