Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
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just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
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Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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