The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize