If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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