I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize