I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize