I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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