Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
This is the high leading the old right now
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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