biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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