I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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