i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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