I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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