Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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