i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
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He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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