We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
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i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
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Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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