I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize