if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
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he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
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I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
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