so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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