Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize