: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize