I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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