I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize