You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
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the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
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The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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