Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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