Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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