I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
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Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
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You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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