I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize