Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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