we have officially lost it.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
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It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
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So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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