idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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