I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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