Tell her she can't have a vagina
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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