I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize