I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He felt like a one man threesome
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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