Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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