Whatcha textin bout Willis?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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