were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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