If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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